Nest just emptied? This might help

Everyone reacts differently when their kids first leave home.  Some parents take it all in their stride - they just get on with the next thing.  But most of us go through a confusing mix of emotions -  sadness, grief, pride, relief ….

When each of my children first left I felt weirdly disconnected - not just from them, but from my whole life.  It seemed so strange that the person who started life inside me - protected by my body and in those first 18 years by my love  -  was now out in the wide world, beyond my care.  Even though I loved my work my kids were the beating heart of my life.

For me the first couple of weeks were a matter of simply getting through - I cried a lot, felt a bit pointless and got seriously addicted to Deal or No Deal.  It filled that hole in the afternoon when I used to hear my daughter's key in the door.

Sorry,  Noel, but there are better ways to cope - as I've discovered from talking to other empty nest parents:

How to cope

• People tell you to keep busy. It's true, it helps.  But it's also important to allow yourself time and space to acknowledge what you're feeling about what's going on in your life.
• Have a good cry and then phone a friend or go shopping.
• Think about the simple things that make you happy, and make sure you do at least one of them every day. For me that's knitting and reading a really good book.  
• This one's tough: Try not to think too much about your son or daughter and when you're next going to see them. 
• Instead, shift the focus on to you, and what you really enjoy doing. 
• Make a list of stuff to do before the Christmas holidays. 
• Find something new to nurture: grow veg,  take in a student lodger. But don't get a dog  - bad for spontaneity.
• Get in touch with old friends you've been meaning to ring….
• Talk to a good mate - not someone who'll say 'Cheer up, he'll be back soon...'
• Grab a box of tissues and watch Mamma Mia - the ultimate empty nesters' movie
• Don't beat yourself up about making the most of your free time.  This is one of the biggest  adjustments parents have to go through,  and it takes time.  
• Give yourself a massive pat on the back: launching your child into the world is a huge achievement - one that is not acknowledged enough.  We should celebrate it more.