Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Kids Just Boomeranged back? Ten tips to cope

If your child has just graduated and moved back home, it's as challenging for them as it is for you.
But what no one tells you is that it can also be a wonderful opportunity to get to know each other - and appreciate each other - as adults.

Here are a few tips to keep life sweet (ish).
But first, some common mistakes parents make (I know, I know…..)


  • Don't do his washing!  Encourage your child to live as independently as possible
  • Don't take it to heart if they criticise you for not using organic polenta. Ask them to do a household shop with a budget to understand the choices you make about food.
  • Don't forget to discuss the new status quo with your partner. Mothers and fathers often have different views about money, independence -  and apron strings! -  so aim for a united compromise.
  • Don't expect to lay down the law.  From now on it's about respecting each other as adults.
  • No curfews. Again, this comes down to mutual consideration.


  • Come to an agreement about how long they're likely to stay.  Make it clear the date can be renegotiated when the time's up. Setting a time limit helps overcome the emotional uncertainty parents often find hard - because you don't know when you'll have to say goodbye again.
  • Renegotiate ground rules to pre-empt the most common sources of tension: noise and mess.
  • Allow each other privacy and space - it's even more important now than when they were teenagers.
  • Let each other know when you're going out for the evening or away for the weekend, and give as much warning as you can.
  • Work out what's a reasonable financial contribution for them to make.
More advice:
my article 'How to Live with your Boomerang students'  in  High50  Don't Bite Your Tongue by Ruth Nemzoff