tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15973593316492033962024-03-05T04:25:28.276-08:00The Empty NestCelia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-25655373350786574932019-07-19T04:50:00.004-07:002019-07-19T05:02:51.762-07:00Not Fade Away: How to thrive in retirement<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG16RO7d_FswzMb3PJ8PPe9STur7qNoRg1bjMlwPkrAFVwqqCrvP29B-eWiL-6BIVAlrOxcG8yTxOffjcM0GEv0gP0p2sDrIepyTf5BBQVjjGYUpT_vPO-pwPrttxBj1j8GiXFW4pgrHU/s1600/mum+n+dad+deckchairs.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="566" data-original-width="522" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG16RO7d_FswzMb3PJ8PPe9STur7qNoRg1bjMlwPkrAFVwqqCrvP29B-eWiL-6BIVAlrOxcG8yTxOffjcM0GEv0gP0p2sDrIepyTf5BBQVjjGYUpT_vPO-pwPrttxBj1j8GiXFW4pgrHU/s320/mum+n+dad+deckchairs.png" width="294" /></a></div>
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I've just heard the <b>Daily Express</b> is going to publish extracts from my latest book, <b><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=not+fade+away+how+to+thrive+in+retirement+celia+dodd&crid=104N517T7RZVK&sprefix=not+Fade%2Caps%2C326&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_3_8" target="_blank">Not Fade Away: How to thrive in retirement</a>.</b> They asked for some pics of my parents, because it was my father's retirement that partly inspired me to write the book. Like so many people, he really struggled when he gave up work. I wanted to find out why retirement can be so hard for some people while others are able to live life to the max. And I wanted to explore ways to make sure it's the best time of your life, not the worst.<br />
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-26523177446004920222018-12-16T11:10:00.000-08:002018-12-19T05:40:28.480-08:00Last-minute Christmas presents for empty nest parents<b>Empty nesters have spent years thinking about other people. Now it's time to focus on themselves. Look for something they'll really like, not something for the kitchen or garden. The more self-indulgent the better! </b><br />
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<h4>
<br />FOR EMPTY NEST MUMS:</h4>
<ul>
<li>A gift voucher for a massage or manicure. </li>
<li> Nail polish.</li>
<li> Champagne</li>
<li> Silk pyjamas </li>
<li> Music </li>
<li> A gripping empty nest novel: <i>Us </i>by David Nicholls, <b><i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Olive-Kitteridge-Stories-Elizabeth-Strout/dp/1849831556/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481270300&sr=8-1&keywords=olive+kitteridge" target="_blank">Olive Kitteridge</a></i> by Elizabeth Strout </b>(also on DVD<b>) </b>or<b> Joanna Trollope's</b> <b style="font-style: italic;"><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Second-Honeymoon-Joanna-Trollope/dp/0552773115/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481270376&sr=8-1&keywords=second+honeymoon+joanna+trollope" target="_blank">Second Honeymoon</a></b>.</li>
</ul>
<h4>
<br />FOR EMPTY NEST DADS AND MUMS:</h4>
<div>
<h4>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-weight: normal;">A gift voucher to try something new - a riding lesson? a writing course? Dancing lessons? An activity to do together? </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Empty nesters are keen to try new activities - but they often appreciate a nudge in the right direction. So a book or voucher are great ideas. Organisations like <a href="http://www.creativebreaks.co.uk/" target="_blank">Creative Breaks</a></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> have Christmas vouchers for a variety of courses.</span></li>
<li> <span style="font-weight: normal;">An inspiring travel guide, like</span> <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lonely-Planets-Ultimate-Travelist-Reference/dp/1743607474/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481270637&sr=1-4&keywords=make+the+most+of+your+time+on+earth" target="_blank">Lonely Planet's Ultimate Travelist</a> </li>
<li> 'Mamma Mia' <span style="font-weight: normal;">on DVD - OK it's a cheesy old chestnut but it's very cathartic. Grown men weep when Meryl sings '<i>Slipping through my fingers' </i>to her departing daughter. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-weight: normal;"> Two photograph albums - one for nostalgic family pics, the other for the adventures ahead. <a href="http://store.bookbinding.co.uk/store/" target="_blank">Shepherds</a> near Victoria station in London has beautiful ones</span></li>
</ul>
</h4>
</div>
Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-55468504831964709562018-09-07T02:06:00.004-07:002018-09-07T02:13:45.296-07:00Top three things your student really needs<br />
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You can't go near a shop at this time of year without offers for student starter packs and comprehensive checklists (thanks for this one, John Lewis).<br />
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It all feels quite comforting (if pricey). It makes you feel you're in control when inside you're probably panicking about what the future holds. It's a way of fending off the terrifying notion that you've done your job: from now on you'll have to let your child make his or her own mistakes.<br />
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Of course, it goes without saying that students don't need all this stuff. (I'm not proud to admit that I packed my eldest off with no duvet, so he froze through the Newcastle nights with the cheapest 4.5 tog he could afford.)<br />
<br />
<h3>
Three things students really need to get a head start:</h3>
<ul>
<li>simple recipes of favourite meals that are easy/microwavable.</li>
<li>something comforting from home. A recent survey found that nearly a third of students take their old teddy. </li>
<li> a note or card from you - saying all the stuff you'll forget to say when it comes to saying goodbye</li>
</ul>
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And forgive me for being cheesy, but what they <i>really</i> need is to know that you'll always be there when they do make their own mistakes.<br />
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-40257405974176060152018-09-07T02:02:00.001-07:002018-09-07T02:02:19.848-07:00Empty Nest fast approaching? How to prepare<br />
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<i> print by Carol Wilhide</i></div>
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It's hard to know how best to prepare for the empty nest because you really have no idea how it's going to hit you. You might end up driving back down the motorway with tears streaming down your face, or you might just feel it's all...well... OK.<br />
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But you <i>can </i>start preparing now by thinking creatively about what your new life will be like and the different ways you might adjust to a new routine. You can prepare your child too. They'll be much happier if they know the basics of looking after themselves.<br />
<br />
However, the main thing now is to shift your focus away from your child and back on to you. To explore what you really like doing, and discover what truly fulfils you.<br />
<ul>
<li>Think about the times you're likely to miss your child the most, and make a plan to fill the gap: listen to a podcast, phone a friend, meet someone. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Make a list of stuff you know will cheer you up when you're down</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Plan treats for the week after they've left - the more self-indulgent the better</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Look into courses that interest you.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Sit down with your partner and make a list of stuff you'd like to do together over the next year. Don't think 'He/she wouldn't like line dancing/birdwatching/ going to the footie. You might be surprised. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Book a fabulous holiday and weekends away</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Read about how other parents coped: '<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_2_14?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+empty+nest&sprefix=The+empty+nest%2Caps%2C140&crid=3R9SJHMWF9C3I" target="_blank">The Empty Nest: how to survive and stay close to your adult child</a>' is a good place to start! (even though I say so myself)<a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a></li>
</ul>
<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-81910961165694406252017-02-20T01:11:00.003-08:002017-02-20T04:40:42.639-08:00Music sharpens the brain (mine anyway!)Research just published by Dr Dawn Rose at Herts University points to new ways that learning an instrument benefits children: it improves their 'fluid intelligence' and emotional wellbeing - and much more.<br />
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But it's not just kids who benefit. Last September I picked up my flute for the first time in 30 years (I dropped it because I didn't have time to practice with three kids) and joined a class playing traditional folk tunes.<br />
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We're encouraged to play by ear, which is a steep learning curve if you're used to relying on written music. But it's so worth it. When I've stopped banging my head against the wall in sheer frustration I can almost feel my brain synapses connecting - or whatever it is synapses do. <br />
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Afterwards my brain feels as if it's had a complete physical work out: exhausted but flexing new muscles. And it doesn't stop there. Between classes I feel the benefits in so many other areas of my life: there's a new energy, a new clarity. Beats Sudoku any day.<br />
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-61084777506467646252017-02-14T06:43:00.000-08:002017-02-20T04:42:00.787-08:00Cars for empty nestersThe empty nest has many silver linings: less laundry, no one to nag.....<br />
But this one has taken a while to dawn on me. Our sensible grubby roomy hatchback is redundant. The big boot is surplus to requirements. Now I can drive the car I've always dreamed of.<br />
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It's a strange one for me, because I'm a rubbish driver. I have panic attacks just thinking about the M40.<br />
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But I had a Damascene moment when I climbed into my friend's sporty BMW last week. Her only regular passengers since her kids left home are her two teeny terriers. <br />
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I know it sounds sad, but bowling down the country lanes went straight to my head. It felt a bit Thelma and Louise, the sort of thing women with no responsibilities do.<br />
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Suddenly I thought, if I had a car like this....or the vintage Triumph Herald I dreamt of as a student... or any car I chose because I loved it, not because it was big enough and safe enough - maybe I could conquer my fears of the M40. Because come to think of it, it was driving with a baby in the car that gave me the panic attacks in the first place.<br />
<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-45641602622739542472017-01-11T01:11:00.004-08:002017-01-25T00:28:47.616-08:00Dry January and the Empty NestI'm so addicted to alcohol that I used to give it up for Lent. This year, partly because my daughter was doing dry January, I decided to get the agony over with quickly.<br />
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I really hate not drinking, and I give up with gritted teeth (poor husband). Every evening I distract myself with elderflower cordial, peanuts, the <i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Twin-Peaks-Definitive-Slimline-Packaging/dp/B0098MDC4M/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1484125560&sr=1-1&keywords=twin+peaks" target="_blank">Twin Peaks</a> </i>box set and a late-night cup of cacao. There's no way I'm going out to dinner with no wine.<br />
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Eleven days in and I'm pulling it off - just one lapse so far. It was the day my daughter left home for good and I needed consolation.<br />
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So why give up something you love so much? Simple: clarity and energy. Drinking was taking up so much of my time and draining my energy. Why squander the new levels of energy you get when your kids leave on a habit? This is something you only really recognise when you give up for a bit.<br />
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What's helped me a lot is to stop feeling guilty about how much I drink - thanks to the hypnotherapist <a href="http://www.georgiafoster.com/" target="_blank">Georgia Foster</a>, who has written a great book on the subject. She doesn't believe most people have to give up completely, and she doesn't make you feel guilty about drinking. She just offers manageable strategies to help you control your drinking, not the other way round.<br />
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Oh, and the other thing that's really helped are Wet Weekends!<br />
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-30189336290889435812016-12-12T03:14:00.005-08:002016-12-12T03:14:50.009-08:00Hurrah! Your student's home! How to avoid a rowYou've been longing to have your son or daughter home for months, but now they're finally back you might be feeling a bit...disappointed? Sad that you don't feel as close as you used to be?<br />
You're full of questions about their new friends and the course. They just want to sleep and catch up with their old friends.<br />
The chances are you've already had a row. <br />
It's easy to see why things get tense at times. They've changed - even after a term. And so have you. They've got used to coming and going as they please and making as much mess as they like. At the same time you're just beginning to see the benefits of not doing so much washing and having a tidier house.<br />
A wise student counsellor gives this advice:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>'When kids go home in the holidays they're often treated as they were when they left, and arguments about tidying their room or coming back by midnight are back with a vengeance.</i><br /><i>'In fact they've changed, they've grown up, and it's not the same: they're coming back partly as kids of the home and partly as visitors. To</i><i> some extent parent and child have got to get to know each other again.</i><i>'</i> </blockquote>
It's true that your relationship will never be the same again. But you will be just as close - perhaps even closer, as you get to know your child as an adult, and deal with each other on a more equal footing. The university years can be a big challenge, but used wisely they're a great opportunity to lay the foundations for a lasting relationship.<br />
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<h4>
How to avoid a row</h4>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Approach each homecoming with a fresh eye: accept they're changing, and that's good</li>
<li>Don't bombard them with questions - relax, give them time. It may take time to open up about their new lives.</li>
<li>See things from their point of view - and encourage them to see yours </li>
<li>Discuss new ground rules</li>
<li>Choose your battles - try not to blow a gasket about trivial matters.</li>
<li>Don't expect to stick to rigid meal times.</li>
<li>Cook meals that are flexible - slow stews that are easy to heat up, for example. And stock up on pasta sauces, salads and nutritious snacks they can grab out of the fridge. </li>
<li>Don't forget that younger siblings may feel discombobulated too.</li>
</ul>
</div>
Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-59136424327625199292016-12-09T00:17:00.000-08:002018-12-16T11:06:54.468-08:00Perfect Christmas presents for Empty Nesters<b>Empty nesters have spent years thinking about other people. Now it's time to focus on themselves. Look for something they'll really like, not something for the kitchen or garden. The more self-indulgent the better! </b><br />
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<h4>
<br />FOR EMPTY NEST MUMS: </h4>
<ul>
<li>Anything luxurious and totally indulgent is perfect - a big bunch of beautiful flowers, a bottle of champagne.</li>
<li>Her favourite perfume.</li>
<li>A gift voucher for a massage or manicure. </li>
<li> Nail polish.</li>
<li> Silk underwear. </li>
<li> Music to dance to</li>
<li> A great empty nester novel like <b><i><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Olive-Kitteridge-Stories-Elizabeth-Strout/dp/1849831556/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481270300&sr=8-1&keywords=olive+kitteridge" target="_blank">Olive Kitteridge</a></i> by Elizabeth Strout </b>(also on DVD<b>) </b>or<b> Joanna Trollope's</b> <b style="font-style: italic;"><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Second-Honeymoon-Joanna-Trollope/dp/0552773115/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481270376&sr=8-1&keywords=second+honeymoon+joanna+trollope" target="_blank">Second Honeymoon</a></b>.</li>
</ul>
<h4>
<br />FOR EMPTY NEST DADS AND MUMS:</h4>
<div>
<h4>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-weight: normal;">A gift voucher to try something new - a riding lesson? a writing course? Dancing lessons? An activity to do together? </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Empty nesters are keen to try new activities - but they often appreciate a nudge in the right direction. So a book or voucher are great ideas. Organisations like <a href="http://www.creativebreaks.co.uk/" target="_blank">Creative Breaks</a></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> have Christmas vouchers for a variety of courses.</span></li>
<li> <span style="font-weight: normal;">An inspiring travel guide, like</span> <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lonely-Planets-Ultimate-Travelist-Reference/dp/1743607474/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481270637&sr=1-4&keywords=make+the+most+of+your+time+on+earth" target="_blank">Lonely Planet's Ultimate Travelist</a> </li>
<li> 'Mamma Mia' <span style="font-weight: normal;">on DVD - OK it's a cheesy old chestnut but it's very cathartic. Grown men weep when Meryl sings '<i>Slipping through my fingers' </i>to her departing daughter. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-weight: normal;"> Two photograph albums - one for nostalgic family pics, the other for the adventures ahead. <a href="http://store.bookbinding.co.uk/store/" target="_blank">Shepherds</a> near Victoria station in London has many beautiful ones</span></li>
</ul>
<br /><br /><ul>
<li>DON'T BUY......</li>
</ul>
</h4>
</div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<ul>
<li> Anything too worthy or too useful </li>
<li> Shapeless fleecy PJs or slippers shaped like bunnies. </li>
<li> Oven gloves. A cookery book is acceptable - just about. </li>
<li> Socks, soap or hand cream. Unless they are seriously posh.</li>
</ul>
</div>
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-89168894559397909572016-11-23T00:08:00.001-08:002018-09-18T10:13:06.753-07:00Why doesn't my son or daughter ever ring? <br />
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In the first few weeks after my kids left home they rang all the time. '<i>Mum, how do you make fajitas?' 'Can you send my old history notes now?' </i> I admit it gave me a smug kind of glow - See? you do need me after all.<br />
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But it didn't last. After the first few weeks - silence. Because I didn't want to be an interfering mother, I only rang if I got worried. My husband would occasionally call them about booking QPR tickets. Looking back that might have been a mistake: perhaps they thought we didn't care.<br />
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<h4>
Should you speak every day? </h4>
<h4>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Of course all families are different. Some parents expect to be in touch with their kids every day. One mum I spoke to got tearful and anxious if she didn't get her late-night text from her daughter to say she'd got home safely. </span></h4>
<h4>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">That's one of the downsides of social media. It's so easy to communicate these days, so when you don't hear you imagine the worst.</span></h4>
<h4>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">The hardest thing for parents at this stage is letting our kids make their own mistakes.</span></h4>
<h4>
The phone's no substitute for a hug</h4>
<h4>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Anyway the phone's no substitute for a hug - for just clapping your eyes on your precious son or daughter and seeing how they really are.</span></h4>
Because it's hard to tell how they're doing from the phone. Kids tend to ring their parents when they're feeling blue. One minute they're in floods of tears down the phone, but within hours they're off with mates, feeling a lot better. The trouble is, you don't know that.<br />
<br />
<h4>
Be reassured by what students say </h4>
One of the students I interviewed for my book, Rebecca, was very reassuring:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>'Parents shouldn't take it personally when their kids don't call, because at university you're running around so much that you can only remember to do things which are right in from of your face.</i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Whenever my parents called me I would always feel really chuffed, partly because they didn't ring all the time, unlike some of my friends' parents who rang every single day and always knew what they were doing. When my parents called it meant a lot - just knowing they were thinking about me.'</i></blockquote>
<h4>
TIPS</h4>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Don't expect a call or text every day. Letting go means you have to back off. That can be hard at first - painfully hard, sometimes.</li>
<li> It's hard at first, but have faith in your child and it will get easier.</li>
<li>If he/she never rings, agree on a regular time once or twice a week which suits you both. </li>
<li>If you're worried by not hearing from them, tell them how you feel.</li>
<li>Ask for the phone number of one of their close friends - but use only in emergencies!</li>
<li>Take the lead from your son or daughter. Some kids like a chat once a week, some ring every day.</li>
<li>Ignore other parents who go on about how their son/daughter rings all the time for long chats!</li>
<li>Don't forget that not ringing is probably a good sign: they're having a great time.</li>
</ul>
</div>
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-80184677109019291312016-09-23T04:18:00.002-07:002018-09-07T01:56:03.609-07:00Dropping your student at uni: how to say goodbye<br />
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<b>It's nearly here - the moment you've been dreading. Soon you'll have to do one of the hardest things any parent has to do: say goodbye to the child you've nurtured and protected since they were born.</b></div>
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<b>I've always hated saying goodbye. And with my kids I've never got it quite right - even with years of practice. But I have picked up some helpful tips from other empty nest parents which should make things easier for you - and your child.</b></div>
<br />
<b>HIDE A SECRET NOTE</b><br />
Before he/she leaves, write a note or a card which says the things you'll probably be too choked up to say when the dread moment arrives. Slip it into their bag to find when they're unpacking.<br />
<br />
<b>BE FLEXIBLE</b><br />
Play it by ear: It's hard to predict whether your student will want you to leave immediately or hang around. And even when you've got there it's often hard to tell from their body language what they want you to do. I always felt I got it wrong: I should have stayed longer/I should have left earlier…..but the truth is, it's pretty impossible to get this right!<br />
<br />
<b>BOOK A LOVELY HOTEL OR B & B</b><br />
...for a night nearby. That way you'll be around if they want to go out to dinner. But make your own contingency plans for your evening too - check out movies and concerts beforehand - because with any luck you'll be spending the evening alone while they go out with new friends.<br />
And the last thing you need is to be drowning your sorrows with only the mini bar for company.<br />
<br />
<b>LET YOUR STUDENT GET ON WITH IT</b><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;">This is their chance to make new friends. So leave them to it. </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">Slip away to the shops/cinema/caff and text later to see how they're getting on. </span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><b>WHEN IT'S FINALLY TIME TO LEAVE </b><br />
Make an excuse to talk to your child alone. Saying goodbye in front of a group of students makes everyone even more tense. And if you start sobbing, it could be embarrassing.<br />
<br />
<b>SAYING GOODBYE AT THE AIRPORT</b><br />
Airport goodbyes have got to be the hardest, because they're super-charged with emotion. Suddenly your child is off through the security gates and you're not going to see them for a year. Don't prolong the agony (as I always did - big mistake) by lingering around for the final glimpse of that precious back. And if you need to have a quick sob in the loo before you embark on the journey home.<br />
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<br />
<b>PUT YOURSELF IN HIS/HER SHOES</b><br />
Remember it's hard for your child too, even if she/he doesn't let on how nervous he is. They're the ones making the big leap into the unknown (well to be fair, you are too…..) </div>
<div>
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<b>WHAT IF I CRY?</b><br />
DON'T get too hung up about NOT crying in front of your child. On balance, it's probably best to fight back the tears and it's definitely a bad idea to have a total meltdown in front of them - save that for the journey home. But experts like the wise psychotherapist Phillip Hodson says a few tears are fine; kids like to know they'll be missed.<br />
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Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-41760163382660152022016-09-23T03:46:00.003-07:002016-09-23T03:46:48.451-07:00What your student REALLY needs is....<br />
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You can't move at this time of year without offers for student starter packs and comprehensive checklists (thanks for this one, John Lewis).<br />
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It all feels quite comforting. It makes you feel like you're in control when inside you're seriously panicking about what the future holds. It's a way of fending off the terrifying notion that you've done your job: from now on you'll have to let your child make his or her own mistakes.<br />
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Of course, it goes without saying that students don't need all this stuff. (I'm not proud to admit that I packed my eldest off without a duvet, so he froze through the Newcastle nights with the cheapest 4.5 tog he could afford.)<br />
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This is what they really need to get a head start:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li> a couple of recipes for quick healthy microwave meals</li>
<li> something comforting from home. A recent survey found that nearly a third of students take their old teddy. </li>
<li> a note or card from you - saying the stuff you'll forget to say when you wave goodbye</li>
</ul>
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And OK, this is cheesy, but what they really need is to know that you'll always be there when they do make their own mistakes.<br />
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-89284448427678819952016-09-23T03:33:00.003-07:002016-09-23T03:33:54.984-07:00Nest just emptied? This might help<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Everyone reacts differently when their kids first leave home. Some parents take it all in their stride - they just get on with the next thing. But most of us go through a confusing mix of emotions - sadness, grief, pride, relief ….<br />
<br />
When each of my children first left I felt weirdly disconnected - not just from them, but from my whole life. It seemed so strange that the person who started life inside me - protected by my body and in those first 18 years by my love - was now out in the wide world, beyond my care. Even though I loved my work my kids were the beating heart of my life.<br />
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For me the first couple of weeks were a matter of simply getting through - I cried a lot, felt a bit pointless and got seriously addicted to <i><b>Deal or No Deal</b></i>. It filled that hole in the afternoon when I used to hear my daughter's key in the door.<br />
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Sorry, Noel, but there are better ways to cope - as I've discovered from talking to other empty nest parents:<br />
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<h4>
How to cope</h4>
<div>
<ul>
<li>People tell you to keep busy. It's true, it helps. But it's also important to allow yourself time and space to acknowledge what you're feeling about what's going on in your life.</li>
<li>Have a good cry and then phone a friend or go shopping.</li>
<li>Think about the simple things that make you happy, and make sure you do at least one of them every day. For me that's knitting and reading a really good book. </li>
<li>This one's tough: Try not to think too much about your son or daughter and when you're next going to see them. </li>
<li>Instead, shift the focus on to you, and what you really enjoy doing. </li>
<li>Make a list of stuff to do before the Christmas holidays. </li>
<li>Find something new to nurture: grow veg, take in a student lodger. But don't get a dog - bad for spontaneity.</li>
<li>Get in touch with old friends you've been meaning to ring….</li>
<li>Talk to a good mate -<b><i> not</i></b> someone who'll say 'Cheer up, he'll be back soon...'</li>
<li>Grab a box of tissues and watch <b><i>Mamma Mia</i></b> - the ultimate empty nesters' movie</li>
<li>Don't beat yourself up about making the most of your free time. This is one of the biggest adjustments parents have to go through, and it takes time. </li>
<li>Give yourself a massive pat on the back: launching your child into the world is a huge achievement - one that is not acknowledged enough. We should celebrate it more. </li>
</ul>
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Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-52359337940096032012016-09-19T07:29:00.000-07:002016-09-19T07:29:14.729-07:00Being sad isn't all badI've just read an extract from Dr Tim Lomas' latest book, <b><a href="http://mailbookshop.co.uk/Product/Tim-Lomas/The-Positive-Power-of-Negative-Emotions--How-Harnessing-Y/19174382" target="_blank">The Positive Power of Negative Emotions</a></b> (Piatkus). In it he talks about the good side of our most 'negative' emotions - boredom, guilt, anxiety. He says the loneliness of the empty nest should be viewed as a highly productive 'oasis of calm', with potential for real independence.<br />
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He writes, 'If you're an empty nester you may find you've forgotten what your own voice sounds like after being drowned out for so long. Slowly you'll reassert your independence, remember the dreams you once had and the places you longed to visit - this can emerge not in the midst of a hectic life, but as a result of peaceful solitude. '<br />
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So take heart if your child has just left. It may take a while to find a new direction - but it really is the unexpected silver lining.<br />
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-85814810080648569372016-09-06T07:09:00.001-07:002016-09-12T04:13:58.601-07:00New direction Step 1: Change the house<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The transformation begins: the night before the wall came down</td></tr>
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My husband loved this wall. It separated the playroom from the telly room and gave him a private space to practise the piano. In fact he loved the wall so much that for 29 years he refused, point blank, to knock it down.<br />
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Finally I persuaded him. The wall's gone. <br />
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It used to feel so sad, the prospect of staying in the house where the kids grew up, with just the two of us instead of five. The place was full of memories - good and bad. You could feel the kids' absence in every room.<br />
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And when they first left I didn't feel like redecorating. The dust needed to settle. Anyway what was the point? We might move, downsize, like so many empty nest couples.<br />
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Moving is a much clearer statement that you're moving on yourself. I don't rule it out. But for the time being a revamp feels just as good as a move. The memories are still in the ether, but they've been scattered to make way for new ones, a different energy. The blood's still on the walls, but it's been covered with a fresh coat of paint. This feels like a brand new start for a totally new kind of life. Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-16550203964977249032016-08-24T04:48:00.003-07:002018-09-07T02:01:31.412-07:00Counting down to your Empty Nest? How to prepare<br />
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<i> print by Carol Wilhide</i></div>
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It's hard to know how best to prepare for the empty nest because you really have no idea how it's going to hit you. You might end up driving back down the motorway with tears streaming down your face, or you might just feel it's all...well... OK.<br />
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But you <i>can </i>start preparing now by thinking creatively about what your new life will be like and the different ways you might adjust to a new routine. You can prepare your child too. They'll be much happier if they know the basics of looking after themselves.<br />
<br />
However, the main thing now is to shift your focus away from your child and back on to you. To explore what you really like doing, and discover what truly fulfils you.<br />
<ul>
<li>Think about the times you're likely to miss your child the most, and make a plan to fill the gap: listen to a podcast, phone a friend, meet someone. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Make a list of stuff you know will cheer you up when you're down</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Plan treats for the week after they've left - the more self-indulgent the better</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Look into courses that interest you.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Sit down with your partner and make a list of stuff you'd like to do together over the next year. Don't think 'He/she wouldn't like line dancing/birdwatching/ going to the footie. You might be surprised. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Book a fabulous holiday and weekends away</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Read about how other parents coped: '<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_2_14?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+empty+nest&sprefix=The+empty+nest%2Caps%2C140&crid=3R9SJHMWF9C3I" target="_blank">The Empty Nest: how to survive and stay close to your adult child</a>' is a good place to start! (even though I say so myself)<a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a></li>
</ul>
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<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-67393834298390758722016-06-14T03:53:00.005-07:002016-06-14T03:53:59.271-07:00Nostalgic for your children's childhoods? Talk to a new mumIf the smell of banana sandwiches makes you come over all dewy-eyed about your children's childhoods, try talking to a new mum. It's a great reality check.<br />
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I met one the other day. OK, her baby looked adorable, and I envy her in so many ways: that mad besotted love, the burst of creativity, the way life's possibilities stretch ahead limitlessly.<br />
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But in so many other ways I really don't envy her: working on deadlines into the wee small hours, snatching a few hours' sleep before the 5 am feed, boxing and coxing with your partner instead of being romantic, searching for good childcare. Never mind the heart-wrenching anxiety when your child gets ill.<br />
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Having babies and small children was the best time of my life - no question. It made me what I am, it informs everything I do and think. I know how lucky I am to have had that time.<br />
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When my children first left I felt hopelessly nostalgic for their toddlerhood, full of regret for all the things I did and didn't do. I still do, a bit. But I really <i>really</i> wouldn't want to go back there. <br />
<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-52827340732847121662015-10-23T06:12:00.000-07:002015-10-23T06:12:08.947-07:00What can you do when you're feeling blue? There are bound to be bad days - days when you miss your child desperately and mourn the end of family life. Nothing can distract you, and the idea of having more time to yourself is no compensation at all.<br />
Facing that stark emptiness is hard. Here's how I coped: simple steps, but they got me through:<br />
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<h4>
JUST KEEP SWIMMING, NEMO</h4>
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<ul>
<li>Think of a simple activity you can rely on to make you feel better, and make time for it every day. If nothing springs to mind, it's worth reflecting on - look back to what you enjoyed as a child for clues. </li>
<li>Get a pile of DVDs you really want to watch (no duffers) and get stuck in.</li>
<li>Make playlists of tunes that make you sad and tunes that make you happy. Alternate between the two. </li>
<li>Do something you can do on auto-pilot that's creative: for me that's knitting, baking a cake and rag-rugging. Or maybe one of those adult colouring books and Magic/Classic FM? </li>
<li>Listen to Radio 4 dramas</li>
<li>Write your diary. </li>
<li>Swim</li>
<li>Compile a book of inspiring quotes. My favourite is from Nile Rodgers of disco legends Chic. <i> W</i>hen asked how he coped with cancer Rodgers quoted <i>Finding Nemo. </i><i> <b>'When life gets you down you know what you've got to do: Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming….Just keep swimming….'</b></i></li>
</ul>
Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-73454326312604105372015-09-28T01:15:00.001-07:002015-09-28T02:30:41.134-07:00Do students need workshops on sexual consent? <br />
Oxford and Cambridge introduced compulsory workshops for new students last year, and other universities are following suit. I've just joined a discussion on BBC Radio Sheffield, which heard some alarming experiences from students who'd been groped, even raped. <br />
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Their stories are backed up by a series of studies by the National Union of Students which found that one in four students suffer unwelcome sexual advances. Meanwhile a report published in 2013 by the Ministry of Justice, the Home Office and the ONS said that female students are at higher risk of sexual violence than the general population.<br />
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<h4>
A new worry for parents</h4>
It's worrying for parents left behind at home, coping with the uncomfortable notion that our job's done and from now on we have to let our kids make their own mistakes - a scary prospect. It's hard not to think about all the conversations you should have had about sex, all those missed opportunities.<br />
<br />
I suspect I'm not the only parent who has never had a conversation about sexual consent with any of my kids - my sons or daughter. For us Brits it's difficult to talk about sex, but in this context it feels like a poor excuse.<br />
Because Freshers' Week seems a bit late for this discussion: surely consent should be part of sex education - at school and with parents - when kids are still at home. <br />
<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-80876637958200928852015-09-15T06:44:00.002-07:002016-08-22T05:13:25.302-07:00 Things getting tense in your nearly-empty nest? Here's how to copeA friend once said her son had to 'trash the nest' before he could leave it - and her. For months before he left home he was bolshy and rude - a far cry from the adoring toddler who sobbed his heart out whenever she left him.<br />
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So when her son finally got his own place she was glad to see the back of him. At the same time she felt guilty and sad that they'd parted on such bad terms.<br />
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She's not alone. Tension is par for the course in the final weeks before kids leave home. Yet it's easy to feel you're the only one, that other families are happily bonding over shopping trips for mugs and duvets. By contrast you're snappy, sulky and eating meals in silence. And always there's the horrible feeling that time is running out - it seems such a waste of precious last days together. <br />
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It helps to take a long-term view. You're almost certain to find you get on a lot better when you don't have to do their laundry and remind them to do their homework/wear a bike helmet. University is great at making kids appreciate home - and their parents. It won't be too long before it's a relationship between two adults.<br />
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My friend's son who trashed the nest now gets on like a house on fire with his mum. She looks back on the trauma of him leaving home as what it was - a blip in their relationship. Temporary, although at the time she thought it would never end.<br />
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<div>
And remember, you're not the only one feeling anxious and unsure about the future. Behind that cool facade your son or daughter is probably just as nervous as you. <br />
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You're both stepping out of your comfort zone, but you, at least, are staying on familiar territory.</div>
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<h4>
HOW TO AVOID ARGUMENTS</h4>
<ul>
<li>Don't be offended if your son or daughter is never at home. They've got a lot of goodbyes to say to friends/girlfriends/boyfriends. </li>
<li>Arrange a farewell dinner - somewhere they want to go. Agree on a time that suits everyone</li>
<li>If they're anxious or unconfident stress the positives about uni without piling on the pressure. </li>
<li>Acknowledge their achievement in getting a place (just not in front of mates or sibs, obvs)</li>
<li>Don't just focus on <i>their</i> needs. Make plans for your own future: indulgent treats and nights out to cheer you up when you miss them, weekends away, evening classes.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<br /></div>
Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-79839252436996213712015-08-06T02:10:00.001-07:002015-09-15T04:28:00.986-07:00Starting School: 5 Mistakes Parents Make <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: 1.0cm;">
<h4>
</h4>
<div>
I vividly remember my son's first days in Reception - not a happy time. He cried every day for weeks, and so did I! Much later we realised he was short-sighted and needed specs, which must have added to his sense of bewilderment. That was just one of my mistakes - here are a few more And how to avoid them!<br />
<br />
<h3>
<b>*Don't expect your little one to tell you all about their day</b></h3>
</div>
<div>
Of course you're dying to hear! But don't
feel hurt if they don't answer your questions. Be patient: your child will be tired - and the information will trickle out in the end! </div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 21.25pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
But it's worth bearing in mind that this is a tough adjustment for any parent: accepting that your child now has his own
separate world. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="background-color: white;"><b>You could try this: </b></span><b> </b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Get
involved by helping in the classroom or with school outings. It's a great way
to get to know the other kids - and the teachers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But
ultimately you have to accept your child's growing independence - it's a cause
for celebration, after all!</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h3>
<b><br /></b></h3>
<h3>
<b>* Don't beat yourself up</b></h3>
<span lang="EN-US">If you </span>don't achieve huge
amounts while they're at school. At first the hours between dropping up
and picking up feel like an eternity, but before you know it your child will be
home for tea.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>You could try this: </u></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Allow yourself a period of adjustment, to take stock of what you want to achieve. Make a realistic list of a things you'd like to do by the end of term. </span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h3>
<b><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></b></h3>
<h3>
<b><span lang="EN-US">* Don't
regret what you haven’t done</span></b></h3>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Many
parents in my book felt they hadn’t spent enough time playing with their
children - they'd been too busy to simply enjoy them. This was just as
common among full-time mums as working mothers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>You could try this:</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Dig out
old photos, which will remind you how much fun you had - as well as peeling
potatoes and sorting socks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And talk
to your partner and friends about <i>their </i>memories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Remember,
you'll still have plenty of time together in the evenings and at weekends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 21.25pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<h3>
<b><br /></b></h3>
<h3>
<b>* Don't assume your partner i</b>sn't feeling sad too </h3>
Even if his or her daily routine isn't affected as much as yours. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>You could try this: </u></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 21.25pt;">
Talk to each other about how you feel about this big transition, which is likely to be a mix of pride, anxiety, hope - as well as sadness - and don't assume he or she will dismiss your feelings as silly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
* <b>Don't
ignore your other children's feelings</b></h3>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A younger
child will probably miss their sibling too, especially in the first few
weeks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They may
also be a bit jealous of their sibling’s exciting new life at school -
even the uniform! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> </span><br />
<b><u>You could try this</u>:</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Make sure
they have some new kit of their own: a special pencil case, a drawing book. You could choose it together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Emphasise
the positives: having more time on your own together.<br />
Plan some outings.
They'll love having more of your attention!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 21.25pt;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
</div>
Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-26858930989335668532015-07-28T03:03:00.000-07:002015-07-28T03:03:06.087-07:00 'US' - the perfect read for Empty Nesters'Last summer, a short time before my son was due to leave home for college, my wife woke me in the middle of the night…<br />
"I think our marriage has run its course. I think I want to leave you."'<br />
<br />
<h3>
Empty nest crisis</h3>
This is the cracking start of David Nicholls' follow-up to <i>One Day</i>. <i> Us</i> is a painfully familiar portrait of a family on the brink of a massive empty nest crisis and a father on the verge of breaking down. That sounds deadly serious, but it's funny too, and that's probably why it hits home so hard.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Fathers and sons</h3>
What I loved most is the honest portrayal of the agonising relationship between father and son. And the acknowledgement that it's not just mothers who feel the impact of the empty nest. This dad is totally thrown by it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-37921463025518907562015-04-17T09:02:00.001-07:002015-04-17T09:20:54.904-07:00RECLAIM BRIXTON: A LOCAL VIEW <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZBSzLf59OBoDmwfBG-tyj0Om2gjDmuHwLafguvvQeoosf4RJTkHUN2kpVM9Ccm4fbwnemakD2T2l6qxP4j46eOYvz3_JI_cEsCkprxvwEH_hhmdTjIMAn7iqae6ME3TVdK7mZ3CVJoXs/s1600/Naptali+now.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"></a><br />
<a name='more'></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZBSzLf59OBoDmwfBG-tyj0Om2gjDmuHwLafguvvQeoosf4RJTkHUN2kpVM9Ccm4fbwnemakD2T2l6qxP4j46eOYvz3_JI_cEsCkprxvwEH_hhmdTjIMAn7iqae6ME3TVdK7mZ3CVJoXs/s1600/Naptali+now.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZBSzLf59OBoDmwfBG-tyj0Om2gjDmuHwLafguvvQeoosf4RJTkHUN2kpVM9Ccm4fbwnemakD2T2l6qxP4j46eOYvz3_JI_cEsCkprxvwEH_hhmdTjIMAn7iqae6ME3TVdK7mZ3CVJoXs/s1600/Naptali+now.jpg" height="400" title="" width="300" /></a> </td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Naptali, who came to Brixton in 1963 - I'm privileged to be working on his brilliant autobiography</span><br />
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; text-align: justify;">Brixton: gentrification v regeneration</span></h3>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">The <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/657756287663029/">Reclaim Brixton</a> event on 25 April is likely to have an impact far beyond Brixton itself. It highlights deeply felt concerns about gentrification. It's widely felt that the very people and small businesses which give places like Brixton their unique flavour are being forced out. </span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></b></i>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><i><b>Here's the view of one local man - Naptali. It's an extract from his forthcoming memoir, which he and I have been working on together. </b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Naptali loves Brixton. He's seen huge changes since the early 1960s when he came here from Jamaica at the age of 7. His primary school is now a gated community, his friend's shop - Blacker Dread Music Store - was forced to close last year. The Front Line where Naptali spent his youth - once the hub of the Brixton Riots - is now full of 'highly sought-after' properties. </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Brixton Riots forced change for the better</span></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-US">'Things did change
for the better after the riots in the 1980s. People started to listen. But now
it feels like it was to the detriment of our older generation. They’ve been
pushed out, squeezed. I don’t know if it’s deliberate or just how it is.
But we feel like we’ve been squeezed.</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-US">'For instance you
can’t buy any properties round here – it’s too expensive. And if you want to
have a business the rates and rents will kill you. You have to get yuppified.</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Now it's changed beyond recognition. Some of it could be for the better, but some of
it - it’s not Brixton any more. It’s not the Brixton we know. I don’t
even know if I like it or not.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-US">But I wouldn’t have wanted to live anywhere else, because it’s where I’ve always known. I don’t live
here now, but I’m here every single day.</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-US">OK, I don’t mind
seeing all these new faces. But I would like to see more of my own
people being involved in the new amenities and the new businesses that are
around here. Because it's us who caused the change so to speak. So
let most of us benefit from the change that we brought about. That’s how
I see it.'</span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-21291878573468513122015-03-26T03:47:00.003-07:002015-04-07T04:03:52.310-07:00Should I throw my kids' stuff out?<h3>
Empty nest decluttering</h3>
I've just been on <b>BBC Radio Sheffield's breakfast show</b> to talk about a new survey. Huge numbers of empty nest parents get rid of their children's stuff as soon as they leave home, apparently.<br />
<br />
My gut reaction is No! Please don't do it! Adult children need their own nest to come back to when life gets tough. Their old stuff is a kind of dependable comfort blanket. I'll never give away my son's old Tintins - much as I'd like the shelf space - because he always heads straight for them when he comes home. And I confess I've even got a battery-operated toy poodle from my own childhood.<br />
<h3>
The liberation of the empty nest</h3>
It took me a couple of years to clear out my kids' rooms. It didn't help that they weren't keen on the idea, and it felt wrong to chuck out stuff without them. In fact it became such a touchy subject that I used to spring it on them in a kind of 'While you're here would you mind …?' kind of way. That was a big mistake - I now know that I should have given them warning. The way I did it everyone just got tetchy.<br />
<br />
But it still felt good. The time was right: I'd got through the initial sadness and nostalgia and was ready for the next stage. Now I love having my own workroom, with my own books on the shelves and no Bob Dylan posters on the walls. I love having a proper guest room where friends can be comfortable.<br />
<h3>
Straight down to Farrow & Ball</h3>
Parents I interviewed for my book felt the same. One mother was itching to decorate her sitting room and buy a new sofa, but felt there was no point until her messy boomerang boys finally left. Her sense of frustration was palpable. As soon as they'd gone it was straight down to Farrow & Ball.<br />
<br />
The important thing is that kids - however old they are, and even when they've got families of their own - feel there'll always be an emotional place for them at home.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1597359331649203396.post-71520061699613717992015-03-12T01:51:00.001-07:002015-03-12T01:51:14.311-07:00Madonna's empty nest blues<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's so great that Madonna has spoken out about her deep sadness when Lourdes left home for uni. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">She said it was like 'the first heartbreak of my life…..I would go in her bedroom and lie on her bed and cry. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">'I was a mess. It was really hard letting her go. I've come to terms with it but yes, I miss her and she's a part of me. It was like losing my arm.' </span></span><br />
<br />
<h3>
The empty nest affects us all</h3>
<br />
Madonna must be one of the busiest women on the planet. And she's probably the last person you'd expect to admit to being so upset. But just like the rest of us she couldn't stop worrying about whether Lourdes was eating enough and getting enough sleep - and whether her daughter had enough towels and Q Tips!<br />
<br />
It's proof - not that we needed it! - that it's not just stay-at-home mums who are affected when their kids leave. Celia Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01719459235472802310noreply@blogger.com0