Wednesday 4 March 2015

Great Sex for Empty Nest Couples

No sex to great sex

It's the empty nesters' most common complaint: things have gone a bit quiet - totally silent, even! - in the bedroom.

The years of raising teenagers inevitably take their toll.  It's said that parents put their own lives on hold when their kids are adolescent and exploring their emerging sexuality.

You'd think that once the kids move out it would be easy to get back to the way you were ….But that's not the case. Once you get out of the habit of regular sex it's difficult to get back into it.
For most couples it takes time, effort and sensitivity.

Sex matters

But it's worth giving it your best shot.  There are two obvious reasons:

  1.  When sex is good it's life-enhancing, confidence-boosting, a great form of communication.
  2.  If you and your partner aren't having much sex, the chances are that one of you will have an affair. 


The good news is that empty nest couples have many advantages which mean that sex can be better than it's ever been - even better than when they first got together:

  •  They've got more time, and they're less exhausted by the demands of young children.
  •  At this age many women  experience the fabulous surge of energy and increased libido known as Post Menopausal Zest (PMZ - it's all down to levels of testosterone).
  • Mature sex with a partner you've loved for years can reach dizzy new heights. 
  • No need for contraception is more liberating than you might think.

So here are a few tips:

How to get your sex life back


  • Ask yourself whether you miss sex, and answer honestly! Think back to how you felt about life generally when your sex life was good.



  • Take no notice of what anyone else says about sex not being important at this age, whether it's a friend or a magazine article.  If it matters to you, it matters.



  • Be patient:  a woman's body may take time to remember how good sex can feel.



  • Stop seeing yourself as 'just' a mum.  Treat yourself to new clothes and silk underwear - La Perla (in your dreams) or Rosie at M & S (more realistic but still romantic).



  • Imagine your partner has just told you they've had an affair. How would you feel? It's often annoyingly true that if someone else fancies your spouse it's a terrible turn on (and just think:  imagining how it might feel is so much better than facing the reality).






  • But there's nothing like being direct: take a deep breath, a swig of wine and take the plunge: Just say how great your sex life used to be and you miss it and you'd like to talk about ways of getting it back.



  • Buy a sex book and look at it on your own  - and then together. If you're one of the original Joy of Sex generation, fish out your old copy, or buy Susan Quilliam's updated version. It could be a lighthearted way to kickstart a conversation about the way things used to be, and what you'd like to get back. Betty Herbert's 52 Seductions is good too.



  • Watch a sexy film - either on your own or together. It doesn't have to be full-frontal.  Choose a movie you like, not something that's billed as 'sexy'. (For me that's Silver Linings Playbook rather than 50 Shades).



  • Might be worth trying a supplement like Libido Support from the Natural Health Practice endorsed by the women's health expert Dr Marilyn Glenville.



  • Sex therapists are there to help.  If your partner is reluctant, go by yourself - they'll soon get curious.

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